Good Bye

Sometimes I feel like my life is rerun.

I noticed my life sometimes occurs in patterns or seasons. As I said good bye to my friend today, I realized I'm not good at "good-bye's". The bad ones stick out most in my mind. (That's something I need to work on for sure.) The two most prominent good-bye's both took place at an airport (my rerun).  First I remember when the guy I loved dropped me off at the airport. As I left he gave me one of those hugs like he didn't want to let me go, and I knew that would be the last time I ever saw him. Although we parted on a good note, I knew we were about to start our lives separately and that it was the best thing for us. The second good-bye was about two years later to another man I loved. Our relationship was falling apart, and unbeknownst to me he had realized by then he never loved me. He hugged me good bye like we were starting over and things would be better there on out. (We returned the engagement ring he bought me earlier that day, and as my friend pointed out that should have indicated to me that the relationship was over.) Still, I was hopeful and it took me months to finally realize he was gone forever, but like the other good bye, I knew I'd never see him again. And soon after that good-bye I knew I'd never want to.

It's a bit poetic to get on a plane and physically leave someone you love.  You physically take yourself out of a relationship. For one that good-bye marked the end of a long, drawn-out breakup. For the other it marked the beginning of the end. I look back on those times and feel a bit disappointed by the end of two seemingly good relationships. But that's quite unrealistic. Really, neither of those relationships were good for me and both those good-bye's were really a saving grace that propelled my life to better things. Those good-byes made room for new experiences, new adventures and self-renewal. Both those men would likely take credit for my personal epiphanies, but it was all God's strength and my determination.

It's so easy to look at good-bye's as leaving something good, but I so often forget that it can actually be just the start of something better. So if anyone ever catches me being sad about good-bye, help me out and remind me of the bad things I may have left behind and the good things that await.

:)