friday haze.

I woke up on friday having no idea how that day would thwart my life into a whole other direction. So many choices and new factors left me in confusion. I felt the pulse of my body operating apart from me. Unable to pull myself back together I felt my heart drifting farther and farther away from the life that I knew. Fear consumed me, further pulling my heart away from my mind. Severing it from my body. Acting on intellect was never my strength. I was always and reliably persuaded in life by my emotions. So now would I move through life without that emotion, that heart. Head knowledge, although a part of me, is foreign, but now somehow it rules me. How did that happen?

Life seems so much clearer without my heart. It all makes sense aside from that previous life I propelled myself towards not just a couple hours before, that life I don't even recognize anymore. Nothing and everything makes sense. My heart speaking to my mind, pleading for another chance, hoping for another sign. But my mind knows that this is the end. The end of a slew of events that never took off outside of the desires of my heart. Had I dreamed it all up? Now independent from my heart it seems as if all I believed to be true was merely my hope projected on reality. An interplay of light and smoke signals and illusions deceiving me, withholding the truth. This was the end, although none of it had ever started.