my husband

Let me just preface this post by saying I am not married nor have I ever had a husband.  I am taking applications, though, if you know of any good candidates.

Anyway, most of my friends are married and at one point I did feel the pressure of always being single.  Especially at the wedding receptions when I was the dreaded "odd-man-out"--the awkward ninth wheel to a table of couples.  I've passed that stage where I feel like I'm missing out, especially now that most of those friends are having or trying to have babies.  I'm grateful to have this opportunity to be single socially at this time in my life.

However, when I see a lot of my photographer friends it's a whole different story.  Most of my photographer friends are either very married or very single.  When I look at my married photographer friends, I do envy having a partner through all of this.  Being self-employed can be very lonely in general.  I usually spend most of my days working alone.  I don't have co-workers to swap gossip with.  Having a husband could rectify some of that; I see that many of my friends' husbands help with the business by second shooting, editing, marketing, bookkeeping... etc., and I think it would be nice to have someone to help me run this business.

I had someone ask me recently, "So when do you think you'll be able to do photography full-time?"  I thought it was a funny question because I still do feel like I'm doing it as a hobby sometimes since I'm able to have so much flexibility and fun while I'm doing it.  Sometimes I associate a full-time job or a "real" job with a nine-to-five job, just in terms of semantics, in reality this is my full-time job.  It's amazing that this is my third year in business; my second full year living on photography alone.  Unemployment stopped coming July 2009, so ever since then I've been supporting myself (and debt-free, so far.  Thank God...literally)  So when I look at my married friends, I am envious that they have a spouse's income to fall back on during those slow periods.  It's rare, but sometimes I do worry if I don't have enough money to pay bills or to see the doctor or to pay my taxes.  And it would be nice to have the comfort of a husband who had a job.

I really do wish sometimes I had a husband to run this business with.

Then, I had an "Eureka!!" moment.  My girlfriends were talking about their lives and their husbands and photography and what not, and I realized that my idea of a husband and my business mixing was so unrealistic.  A husband to help me would be wonderful, but hello! there would be more things to worry about.  I'd worry about my husband being bogged down by my job.  Right now I can do what I want when I want, but what if my husband had a company dinner the same day I was shooting a wedding? I'd have to not only work around my schedule but also his.  I'd be worry about not having enough time for him.  I'd worry about being a financial strain on him.  And as for finances, what if my husband was going to school or lost his job, I'd have to worry about supporting him.  Aye.  Obviously my previous fanciful ideas of marrying my business with my spouse were unrealistic.  Perspective in this particular subject didn't come to me until tonight, and I'm glad it did.

I cannot wait to have a husband.  He'll get a lifetime's worth of hugs and support from me.  He'll also get all the pictures of himself that he wants included in marrying me.  Not to mention I will be a killer encourager and laugh-maker.  Until that time comes, though I'm already so blessed as it is right now... especially in my business.  I can devote all my time to my clients, and all I have to worry about is me.  There's no other mouth to feed (or person to fly across the world)...just me!  So until the time comes when I can be blessed by a hubby, I'll be appreciative of my non-husband-and-me-just-me business. :)

(The image above is from my trip to Vancouver.  It is at the docks on North Vancouver, a brief walk from my hotel, The Pinnacle Hotel on the Pier)