Dubai was one my only trips where I was completely free of work (well, aside from emails). I intended to work for the duration of the trip, but some bad luck in the computer department prevented that. Still, most of the time I was left to my thoughts. And, of course, as I've mentioned like a broken record, I as an introvert love to think. I like to ponder and observe and contemplate and formulate and extrapolate. My trip afforded me a lot of time for that, especially on the car rides. It kind of amazes me sometimes how I can just sit for hours looking. I never liked that game "I spy", but I sure do do a lot of it. I like to take mental photographs of the environment of a moment.... the sights, smells, the sounds, the feel.
I look at this picture and remember the leather of the taxi seats, and the texture of the thick fabric hung over the seat of the driver. The dust in the air gathers like a deep fog devouring the buildings until all you see is the open desert in front of you. It smells of heat; I know it sounds odd to describe the smell as heat, but that's what it reminds me of. It smelled warm, like I was surrounded by layers of laundry dried in the afternoon's sun. But I feel the sweat gathered around my ears evaporating in the cool of the air-conditioned car. It's quiet, but also noisy. The sounds of my thoughts are distinct and calming.
I thought a lot about myself. How I could sort myself out. How I could figure how I felt. A friend once said to me, "Just feel." And honestly, I don't know how to. And years of adversity have pulled me farther away from the ability to feel, let alone understand or trust the emotions I do muster to feel. It's strange how I can be so in touch with myself sometimes and other time I just have no idea what's going on with myself. There's a lot of things I want to accomplish in the world; I wonder if I'll be able to tackle it all. I wonder how long I'll be able to be debt free. I wonder if my carpal tunnel will make me incapable of using a camera or a computer. I wonder what I'll eat for lunch. I wonder where I can find some white chocolate. I wonder quite randomly and freely.
As crazy as my thoughts were in these car rides while in the middle east, I continue to maintain a good level of peace and happiness. And I attribute much of that in my faith in God. There's probably a bunch of you who've just rolled their eyes, but it's true. I think everyone has something they believe in. Maybe it's science or themselves or logic... and I think that's great for them. But God has always been reliable in my life, and I'm thankful that amidst the crazy of my life, he continues to calm and encourage me.
The end. :)
The skyline was so uniquely elegant in Dubai. I loved it.