Nearly every day I write in my 5 year journal. It's a small book with a page for each day of the year and five sections (for each of five years) on each page. I'm on my third year and began to discover patterns as I write out my entries for 2012. Last year like the year before I reached a crossroads--leave or stay. I find that I'm at that same place this year. Years before I was paralyzed with fear. The options were clear, but the future seemed too dark to muster enough courage to make the right decision. Then, I feel like I knew too little about myself and the triggers that keep me from being myself. Today, I know a bit more, and I know I have the opportunity to make the right decision I couldn't make in 2011 or 2010.
Life is all about light and shadows and finding myself and balance amongst all that.
But just as light and shadow define the form and language of this building, so will it define my character. The uncertainty of the future scares me. But without light shadow cannot exist, so I can be resolved that although I am challenged by these life experiences, light is somewhere close by. Unlike years before I have hope in myself that whatever happens, this time I will continue to be me and continue to find worth in myself. It does excite me to wonder, however, if a different choice will yield a different future. I shall see, won't I?
What will 2012 be like? I have a feeling it's going to be great. Growing in character can do that, and that's my number 1 priority this year. Hurray!