Finding Love in Loss.

My mom is an amazing woman.  It breaks my heart to know she's no longer here with me, but she remains alive in heaven with God. I feel lost and sad to think of the life I'll have to lead without her.  And I wonder who will fill in where my mom was in my life.  I wonder if any of those empty spots could ever be filled.  My mom was one of my best and favorite friends.  I told her everything and she knew me better than anyone.  And I wonder who will I talk to now?  Who will tell me I'm being unreasonable when I'm unreasonable?  Who will tease me about all the silly things I do?  Who will I call moom or moomers or momma or any of the other random things I called her?  My mom was everything I needed and wanted in a friend and mother.

The loss of her has been very difficult for me and my family and all the people who loved her.  But in this trying and sorrowful time, I truly feel comfort in knowing that I will see her again and that now she is pain free and rejoicing in heaven with God.  Even in her death I feel her love around me.  Hearing all the wonderful stories of her from people who knew her reminds me of the life of love she led.  She was such a loving person, and it makes me so happy to know that there were many people who experienced that love that I cherished so much about her.

I've found that even in this time as I feel myself sinking into my sad thoughts and longing for my mother that God has provided me with so many blessings to get me through this.  He has given me my friends who have been relentless in their prayers for my family.  And most importantly he has given me my family and our love for each other.  Even though my mother is gone, we still have each other, and in her passing I'm reminded just how precious each one of them is to me.  That even though I lost the person I think I can't live without, together with my friends, my family and their love have been the very thing that is bringing me through this loss.  But all that is because of God's love for me.

So even though right now in my heart I worry that the emptiness will never be filled, in my head I'm confident that God's love fills that emptiness.  That in my brokenness God makes me whole.

So thank you to everyone out there who's prayed and encouraged me over the past couple of days.  You have reminded me that God's love is abundant and comforting even as I mourn the loss of my mom.

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