a letter to my married self

The day is quickly approaching.  Twelve days to be exact.  I'm in a glass case of emotion.  Stress mixing with happiness coupled with excitement heightened with craziness.  I can't believe my wedding day is so close.  My days in California are numbered.  My days as a "single" person are disappearing.  It feels like the last three months have been crazier than I've ever experienced. Nothing really prepared me for this engagement period.  I was thrown into this crazy, but joyous, time while struggling to balance wedding planning, work and packing, only exasperated by travel and holidays.  For the most part I've loved being engaged.  Trust me. It's been incredibly difficult, but the good certainly outweighs the bad. I've loved this time to savor my relationships with friends and family.  Nothing really pulls people together like a wedding, something I couldn't fully realize until now.  Well, even now, I probably won't even really understand it until my actual wedding day.  But I have to be thankful for encouragement from my friends and family, patience from my clients and an ever endless supply of love and support from Lance.

The majority of the past five years I was coming into my own and learning how to become a better person.  Year after year I grew to appreciate my singleness, which strangely culminates in being married and losing my singleness altogether.  So as I make this huge transition to marriage and Alabama (#theBirminghands), I want to remind my future married self of a few things…..

.   .   .   .   .

To my dear married self,

Please don't forget there was good & bad to being single.  Singleness certainly had its perks.  You loved traveling whenever you wanted and spending money however you wanted.  And when you're married and you don't have those freedoms, remember the new freedoms you gained.  You have a wonderful husband who will help you whenever you need.  You have a partner to tackle the world with when you're too scared to do it on your.  You're still that independent woman, but you're no longer alone.  And a lot of the time, as a single person you didn't like being alone.  Remember that the grass is not always greener, and while singleness was fun, don't dwell in the life you used to have.  Your married life is going to be different.  Embrace it.  Don't be scared.  Relish in this new life for all its joys and challenges.

Please keep up your friendships.  Work for your relationships outside of your marriage.  Remember when you were single and you grew apart from your married friends? Don't let that happen.  Your friendships will have to evolve now that you're married.  You won't have the same amount time or flexibility, but pursue those friends.  Fill your conversations with purpose and care.  Remind them how much you value them.  And most of all, you'll need them more than ever now that you're married.

Please be mindful of people who are single.  Don't bring your husband on girls' night out.  Don't bring him to a lunch date with your girlfriend when she needs to confide in you.  Don't go on and on and on about your marriage.  Don't tell her she'll find a husband someday… because really you have no idea what her future will be.  Remember all those times you felt ostracized because you were single.  It was awful.

Please continue to learn how to depend on your husband.  You've spent the last 30 years learning to depend only on yourself.  I know it's hard to change, but you've got to do it.  It's okay to depend on him.  It doesn't mean you're incapable or weak.  Depending on your husband shows him that you trust and respect him and therefore showing him love.  Now, of course, that doesn't mean you must be needy or helpless or lose your independence.  It's just a means by which you can be vulnerable and grow closer to him.

Please make your marriage a priority.  Be purposeful in your life to work on your marriage.  Have date nights.  Have deep conversations. Have silly conversations.  Care for your marriage. You don't always have to choose Lance over everyone else, but you do have to choose the health of your marriage over everything else.  If something is bad for your marriage, get rid of it immediately. Protect your heart and marriage and constantly seek out God.

Finally, please cherish your husband.  I know you'll get to a point when you'll forget what it's like to show up to a wedding alone and not know anyone.  You might forget all the times you had to be the fifth wheel.  And you may start to take your husband for granted.  Don't.  He loves you relentlessly.  Remember to show him that you appreciate, respect and love him.  Remember how much value he adds to your life and constantly pursue a close relationship with him.  Invite him into your life each and every day.  Listen to him even when you're tired.  Help him even when you're busy.  Love him even when he may not deserve it.  Make sure he always knows just how much you love him.

Love, your unmarried self

Highway 17 to Santa Cruz. November 29, 2014 | Fuji x100s