Have you ever wished for an endless night?

I am a writer. Maybe not a good one, maybe not an interesting one, but I'm one nonetheless. When I am happy or sad or excited or filled with emotions (as I usually am), I write. I write on this blog. I write on another secret blog. I write in a journal. I write in my sketchbook. I write and I write and I write. When I go through hard times or am distracted by things that bother me, I look back and read through it all. I read the letters I wrote to myself. I read the letters I've written to the people who'll be in my future. I read the letters I've written that I've been too scared to send. It's difficult to read sometimes, to relive the hard times.

But a constant in all the blog posts, entries and letters is the hope and strength I've found at the end of each struggle. I know every single person struggles with their own adversity, but in the same way I remind myself of hope to come, I pray that everyone in my life remembers the same. In life there is the good and the bad, and although my posts seem to over-dramatize the struggles I encounter, I am blessed far and beyond I deserve. God has a purpose for all things.

So for now... I will look fear in the face, and say, "I just don't care".

picture taken at Alki Beach in East Seattle

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands? Closed your eyes and trusted, just trusted Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air? Have you ever looked fear in the face And said I just don’t care?

It’s only half past the point of no return The tip of the iceberg The sun before the burn The thunder before lightning The breathe before the phrase Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone? You’re whole life waiting on the ring to prove you’re not alone Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry? Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It’s only half past the point of oblivion The hourglass on the table The walk before the run The breathe before the kiss And the fear before the phrase Have you ever felt this way?

La La La La La La La Laa

There you are, sitting in the garden Clutching my coffee, Calling me sugar You called me sugar

Have you ever wished for an endless night? Lasooed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself will it ever get better than tonight? Tonight

lyrics from "Glitter in the Air" by Pink


* I debated whether or not I'd publish this post, but after thinking a bit, I realized I have nothing to hide.  This is my unguarded story... insecurities and weaknesses and struggles and all.  Only by knowing my struggles will you know how blessed I am to survive it.